Thanks for your emailed question. I could answer this on a number of different levels…so I will provide several options. If these answers don't resolve your question with adequate clarity I would be most willing to speak to you in person.
1. Short answer: No.
2. Medium Answer: No. Jesus makes it clear that marriage should not be terminated in divorce. "...What God has joined together let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). The Bible tells us that the husband should love his wife not look for another one. (Eph. 5:25). Obviously the question you ask is about differences, not about a situation involving serious abuse, infidelity, or a concern for your physical safety.
3. Longer Answer: No. There is quite a bit of teaching in the Bible about divorce. Jesus himself spoke about it on several occasions. Divorce was not an option. In fact his teaching in Matthew 19:1-10 (briefly quoted above) was so radical that even the disciples were blown away. Verse 10 records the disciples’ response, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Yes, if you are not looking to love sacrificially someone other than yourself that is probably true. If someone is not willing to die daily to themselves and serve another, then it is better not to get married in the first place. And that doesn’t mean “living together” without getting married…that means celibacy.
Honestly, at some point almost everyone in any marriage becomes convinced they have married the "wrong one". If this were grounds for divorce then everyone would divorce. Our feelings in this are never a reliable guide. Marriage, as taught in the Bible, is not something that is to be ended willingly. As I describe “dying to self”, I am not suggesting that we endure marriage as we would suffer through a prison sentence. On the contrary, it is only when we learn to live like Jesus that we discover the real joy of love, and even a "dead marriage" can be made alive again. Invest in prayer for your spouse and sincerely ask God to kindle a deeper love and see how He answers that kind of faithful prayer.
A follow-up question to consider: Did God love us and “marry” us only then to decide that he had loved the wrong person? No. His love for us was not based on our lovability, but on his choice to love us as an expression of his character. Though we were unfaithful and arrogant and spurned his love he did not turn away. In his love he bought us back from the traffickers of sin with his own blood. Marriage is a very serious commitment. It is intended to depict for us all the love of God for his people. The issue we have to get past is our own “hardness of heart” that leads us to objectify our marriage…to fail to love. To use a financial metaphor, when our heart is hard we tend to sell a relationship short and reinvest somewhere else with a more attractive return rate. The bottom line becomes “my needs” rather than how can I love God by loving my spouse. Any time two people with their own thoughts, feelings, dreams, and desires not to mention all their habits and flaws come together to live as one, there will be a struggle. It is not for the cowardly or weak at heart. It involves a daily dying to your own agenda and personal preferences. But when two people can confess their own selfishness and pride and follow Jesus together it can be a glorious.
I hope this helps. Please know that I, or any of our pastors here at the church, would love to talk with you about this further.
Pastor Greg
1. Short answer: No.
2. Medium Answer: No. Jesus makes it clear that marriage should not be terminated in divorce. "...What God has joined together let not man separate" (Matthew 19:6). The Bible tells us that the husband should love his wife not look for another one. (Eph. 5:25). Obviously the question you ask is about differences, not about a situation involving serious abuse, infidelity, or a concern for your physical safety.
3. Longer Answer: No. There is quite a bit of teaching in the Bible about divorce. Jesus himself spoke about it on several occasions. Divorce was not an option. In fact his teaching in Matthew 19:1-10 (briefly quoted above) was so radical that even the disciples were blown away. Verse 10 records the disciples’ response, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” Yes, if you are not looking to love sacrificially someone other than yourself that is probably true. If someone is not willing to die daily to themselves and serve another, then it is better not to get married in the first place. And that doesn’t mean “living together” without getting married…that means celibacy.
Honestly, at some point almost everyone in any marriage becomes convinced they have married the "wrong one". If this were grounds for divorce then everyone would divorce. Our feelings in this are never a reliable guide. Marriage, as taught in the Bible, is not something that is to be ended willingly. As I describe “dying to self”, I am not suggesting that we endure marriage as we would suffer through a prison sentence. On the contrary, it is only when we learn to live like Jesus that we discover the real joy of love, and even a "dead marriage" can be made alive again. Invest in prayer for your spouse and sincerely ask God to kindle a deeper love and see how He answers that kind of faithful prayer.
A follow-up question to consider: Did God love us and “marry” us only then to decide that he had loved the wrong person? No. His love for us was not based on our lovability, but on his choice to love us as an expression of his character. Though we were unfaithful and arrogant and spurned his love he did not turn away. In his love he bought us back from the traffickers of sin with his own blood. Marriage is a very serious commitment. It is intended to depict for us all the love of God for his people. The issue we have to get past is our own “hardness of heart” that leads us to objectify our marriage…to fail to love. To use a financial metaphor, when our heart is hard we tend to sell a relationship short and reinvest somewhere else with a more attractive return rate. The bottom line becomes “my needs” rather than how can I love God by loving my spouse. Any time two people with their own thoughts, feelings, dreams, and desires not to mention all their habits and flaws come together to live as one, there will be a struggle. It is not for the cowardly or weak at heart. It involves a daily dying to your own agenda and personal preferences. But when two people can confess their own selfishness and pride and follow Jesus together it can be a glorious.
I hope this helps. Please know that I, or any of our pastors here at the church, would love to talk with you about this further.
Pastor Greg
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