Is it OK to live together to save money for our wedding?

Q = I know most of what the word has to teach us about pre-marital sex, and for that reason, I have chosen to repent my sins and remain sexually pure for my future husband from that date on. What I'm struggling to understand is what God says about cohabitation. I certainly don't believe in it as a means to replace the commitment of marriage, nor are we using it as such. Is it wrong to live with the person I plan to marry for financial reasons so that we can afford to have a wedding? In this case I speak of my situation, where we are not engaging in pre-marital sex, nor sleeping in the same room. And by not engaging, I don't mean pushing the envelope. I know we are not supposed to do things that would lead others to believe we are being sinful, but are we really responsible for others' assumptions? If we are being true to God and ourselves, will our marriage not be blessed? Any guidance would be helpful and much appreciated!

A = Dear Anonymous, I am very glad that you have chosen to “repent…and remain sexually pure”! It seems as though you are really asking several sincere questions about a subject that could be very contentious in today’s culture. While striving to avoid the tyranny of legalism I will do my best to give you a loving answer to each of your questions from the more philosophical to the more personal:

1. "Are we really responsible for others' assumptions?" Mostly. We of course cannot control with certainty the assumptions that people make regarding our lives. However, our contribution to their conclusions is more manageable than you might think. Our words and our actions should be above reproach. As Christians we no longer are to live for our own agendas, but for that of Christ our Savior. The most common argument against the church in general is that it is a place filled with hypocrites (people who say one thing and do another). Why would we want to give ammunition to that claim? We are called to be different from our culture. It should be obvious to others that we are different. (See→ 1 Peter 3:15-16; Titus 2:7-8; 1 Timothy 3:7; 2 Timothy 2:15, 22; Matthew 5:13)
2. "If we are being true to God and ourselves, will our marriage not be blessed?" Mostly. Being true to God means trusting Him and following Him and there is great blessing that comes with such a lifestyle. However, that doesn’t mean there won’t be problems, storms, and crises to face. Following Christ doesn’t mean smooth sailing though life, but it does mean that you will get to the other side of the lake! You will never be alone, you will have His love, forgiveness, patience, compassion, and wisdom to draw on which is far better than any of us would do on our own. The part about being true “to ourselves” is really insignificant next to our integrity before God. Marriage is not something I would want to pursue without the active involvement of Jesus Christ! An even better question is, as we surrender our own plans to the greater task of following Christ wholeheartedly wherever He leads, is marriage to each other part of the blessing He offers us? In other words, instead of asking God to bless our plans, are we willing to allow Him to work out his plan for our blessing?
3. "Is it wrong to live with the person I plan to marry for financial reasons so that we can afford to have a wedding?" Mostly. Let me re-phrase your question in a more vulgar way to make a point, and then you make the call...“Is it wrong to sacrifice my reputation and my Christian testimony to pay for my dream wedding?”  While I am sure that you would not phrase it that way, nor desire for it to be true, I think that it is very likely what is happening. If I were the one meeting with you for pre-marital counseling, I would counsel you to separate until your wedding. Why? I would not want people who attend your wedding to get the idea that you are “just like everyone else” going through the religious motions but really none of what is being said here means anything to them. I would want to be able to perform your marriage ceremony with enthusiasm birthed in the knowledge that you are really serious about your convictions. I would love for your friends to ask you questions like “Why are you guys separating until your wedding?” and for you to have an opportunity to talk about what Jesus has done for you! Ultimately it is about our love for Christ and mission as ambassadors of Christ (2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 18-20; Ephesians 5:2-4) and about who is really God in our life. It can’t be self, it can’t be our future spouse, and it can’t be money if we claim to serve Jesus. As it is written, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” (Matthew 5:24) But when we honor God in all that we do then we can have an amazing testimony to our friends.

I hope this article helps you sort things out. Many years ago I met with a couple in very much the same situation as you and they decided to do the counter-cultural thing and be different by putting Christ first and separating until their wedding. Their friends thought they were crazy at first, but actually respected them for their convictions. In fact several of their friends decided to follow their example as sincere Christ-followers. Now all these years later, their marriage is vibrant and they serve as ministry volunteers in their church. Again we are available to talk to you about all this in person if you would like.

 

"Where is God?" How can We Deal With Discouragement?

Q: This year has been intensely hard with not having a steady income… I am so worn out on waiting for [God’s] plan... In fact, this week was a week of showing me more failure. Where is God? I can get mad at Him, but not leave him and it leaves me in a weird position of needing to trust a God who does not seem to be so trustworthy…I just wonder where God is. I have known Him for 30 years. My heart, mind and soul have ached seeking, asking, being specific, thinking positive, making vision boards, stating affirmations, etc. Worn out.

A: Dear Worn Out,

I am going to ask one of our other pastors to specifically answer you off-line in regards to your financial / career questions…however I wanted to take a moment to address your concerns about God’s presence and faithfulness and the struggle with discouragement.

First of all, circumstances are never a reliable indicator of the presence of God.

Secondly, it is a natural question to ask, “Where is God?” when there seems, from our point of view, to be no action by the Lord on our behalf. The Book of Psalms is filled with questions like that one. In fact the psalms are all about people being honest with God about how they feel and yet clinging to trust and choosing to praise Him even without circumstances being changed. I think about David who had been anointed king by Samuel at God’s instruction spending years running from the homicidally jealous Saul and yet working through the same questions you are asking. It all comes to a point in 1 Samuel 30 when the Amalekites raid Ziklag while David and his men are gone and take everything and everyone. David and his men were really upset, to the point where they blamed him for what had happened. David could have just walked away, or could have blamed someone else, but notice what he did.

“Then David and the people who were with him raised their voices and wept until they had no more strength to weep. David’s two wives also had been taken captive… And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.” (1 Samuel 30:4-6 ESV)

After David strengthened himself in the Lord, he took time to inquire of the Lord…then set off to obey God and God gave him the victory. The enemy of our soul wants us to be discouraged and quit or to take things into our own hands. Yet I find comfort in David’s process that we see here and in many psalms that I would summarize as follows:

1. Take your emotions and questions directly to the Lord in openness and honesty (v.4). Be real with Him, yet process those emotions through His revealed character. See Psalms like 142-143, 37-43.
2. Ask the Lord to search you and see if there is anything in you that needs to be repented of and surrendered to Him and then do so (Psalm 139:23-24). Adverse circumstances are not necessarily the result of personal sin, but it is wise to cover our bases and remove anything that might hinder us from receiving God’s blessing.
3. Strengthen or encourage yourself in the Lord by focusing on His character and promises (v.6). There is great strength that comes from trusting that God knows how all the pieces of our lives will fit together in such a way that He will be glorified and we will be ultimately fulfilled. I, for one, am glad that I don’t have to understand everything in order to be strengthened in the midst of the circumstances of my life! The enemy only has to outlast us for a fraction of a second to defeat us. Sometimes the victory we win is not measured by forward progress, but by simply not quitting (2 Samuel 23:9-12). By the way, the verse in Philippians that says “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (4:13) is written specifically in the context of Paul’s financial need!
4. Inquire of the Lord and then do what He says with boldness and courage (v.8) trusting that He will bring the victory… at just the right time. It is true that God’s timing often does not match up with our timetable and yet who is in a better position to see the big picture? Sometimes it helps to get godly council along the way to make sure we are hearing form the Lord correctly (v.7-8), in this case David had Abiathar, and in other situations he had Nathan.

Thirdly, I would caution you that our human senses are not dependable in determining God’s presence and our human reasoning is not sufficient at times to make sense of God’s timing. David’s whole ordeal took years for him to become king of all Israel in fulfillment of the anointing he had received. Did he have questions? Absolutely! Did he trust God? Absolutely! Do you need to walk through this on your own? Absolutely not!

Finally, in addition to continuing to seek the Lord, I would encourage you to come and join in with the Biz Net group that meets here at the church every Tuesday morning from 7:00-8:30 am. They help those who are unemployed or underemployed improve their skills as well as providing prayer and emotional support. I would encourage you to call the church and set up an appointment to talk to a pastor about this issue as email/web is only so effective.

May you experience the presence and love of God today and be encouraged to live it for Him!

How can we "bless" God?

Q: In the last verse of Psalm 145 (in the NLT), it says, "may everyone on earth bless [God's] holy name forever and ever." Can you help me understand what it means to "bless God's holy name," and how that's accomplished?

A: If we take “blessing” in a formal sense, it would be very hard to imagine how we, as weak, limited, human beings, could ever presume to bless omnipotent infinite God. Yet the blessing we offer is not the kind passed down from father to son or the superior to an inferior, but rather a synonym for praise. This verse depending on the translation uses either “bless” or “praise”. The Hebrew word in question is barak (Strong’s #1288) which pictures us as kneeling before God to praise, celebrate and adore Him. On a practical level, what is one big way that we can bless God? Psalm 103:1-2 says repeatedly that we are to bless him with all our soul and in verse 2 gives us a hint about how to do it, “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits…” and then goes on in the rest of the psalm to list and explain a number of benefits that the Lord provides. When we remember what He has done, and is now doing, we can’t help but praise/bless Him.

When the Bible talks about God's "name" it is speaking of His whole character and nature not just a means of identification like we usually understand a name. God's whole character is "holy" and gives us a tremendous amount of material for which to praise/bless Him!

Lists of Christian resources? Bookstores or Libraries in the Church?

Q: Do you have a list of recommended Christian resources we can purchase? Does the church have a bookstore?

A: The answer is no...and yes. "No", we don't have a list of books for you to buy, but "Yes" we do have a library where you can find many awesome resources to borrow for free.

Many people have asked us over the years why we don’t have a full-blown bookstore in a church our size and there are a number of very good reasons:

• Over the years, our leadership believed that it was our job to focus on being the church rather than duplicating what was available outside the church. In our case, there was a good Christian bookstore about half a mile down the street that we had no desire to compete with.
• Most bookstores are a source of revenue to help support the general church budget. While we do make copies of sermons available for purchase, we never wanted to turn the church into a business.
• A church library is far less commercial than a bookstore and allows everyone access edifying books and other media, regardless of whether they could afford to buy their own copy of the latest resource. It is a Book of Acts kind of “sharing in common” that flies in the face of an overly commercial society. “What, you mean I can use these for free?” Through the sharing of our materials, it frees up individual families’ financial resources to be used other ways. Instead of everyone buying their own everything, our sharing generously with each other should, and I believe historically has, released resources for ministry and missions purposes. Consumerism is a great enemy of the church, and in tough economic times the people that often need encouraging resources the most are the ones that can afford them the least.
• In 1989 a special anonymous gift was given to the church to establish a “Pastor’s Reference Library” which when added to a collection maintained in our Children’s ministries department, donations, and purchases has grown into a full circulation library for the whole family that currently has 25,348 volumes and 6,587 users.
• Our library has always been available to those who attend our congregation and to the greater Christian community of the Beaverton area. A few years ago, we had a new family come into our library and ask how long they had to be members before they could use the library. We said that they could use the library immediately and were stunned to learn that their former church required at least six months of official membership before materials could be checked out.
• We think that the church library best supports the biblical values of the family of God that meets together here in Beaverton, Oregon.

So, back to your question about a list of recommended resources for purchase…I would recommend that you come in and visit the church library before you buy anything. We can search our collection by Title, Author, Subject, and Series Title for you. Our library team will do our best to connect you with several titles that will be of help to your particular situation and areas of interest. Some are quite gifted in addressing apologetic and evangelistic questions, while others are more than happy to point out books that have meant a lot in their own lives. The library is also a great way to “test-drive” resources before you go out to a bookstore and purchase the ones you want to add to your family libraries! Come on in and check us out!

Church Library Hours are available on our church website: http://www.beavertonfoursquare.org/index.php?nid=53195&s=mn
Our Church Library also has a blog that is found at: http://b4library.blogspot.com/

What about tattoos? Are they a sin?

Q: I just now listened to Pastor Randy's sermon from May 23, and he mentioned tattoos as being something that are widely recognized now as not being a sin. I have a tattoo from before I was a believer, and don't hold it against anybody …, but have been struggling with the desire to get another. Pastor Randy said our first question should be whether or not it is a sin according to God, and in Leviticus it says that we should not get tattoos. I have heard rationalizations that he meant that only as it relates to getting a tattoo to honor the dead, but is that just a rationalization? [Does that mean that] any tattoo, no matter what the reason, is a sin? Or was it specifically relating to doing it to honor the dead? I realize that beyond this question I am having an issue with my own conscience and doubts, so I shouldn't be getting a tattoo right now anyways, but I am and have always wondered if it's truly a sin, or just a matter of what some recognize as a freedom or not. Thank you!

A: This is a great question! It shows that you are wrestling with some of the larger issues involved and recognize both the freedom we have in making choices and the ramifications of those choices. You ask about tattoos, but really the question is how we can know if a personal decision we make is right or merely a rationalization. The fact that you are asking questions like this gives me confidence in your discernment.

Let’s first take a look at tattoos from the perspective of what the Bible says, and what our Christian tradition/culture contributes and then address four key areas that apply to your question.

Bible: Tattoos were originally proscribed in the Old Testament in Leviticus 19:28 the only place they are mentioned in the Bible. [No, this does not only apply to tattoos honoring the dead.] Tattoos were one of the pagan religious practices that Israel was forbidden to participate in. They were supposed to be holy, different from the other nations, and they were supposed to worship the One True God differently than the pagans worshipped their idols.

This command was part of God’s covenant with the nation of Israel. So does this command apply to us today? Yes and no. In their classic book, How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth, authors Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart make the statement, “All of the Old Testament law is still the Word of God for us even though it is not still the command of God to us…Only that which is explicitly renewed from the Old Testament law can be considered part of the New Testament ‘law of Christ’…”

So for the Christian there are no explicit Biblical commands that forbid tattoos. However, there are a number of implicit Biblical principles that we should consider.

Christian tradition & culture: Tattoos have always been taboo in the church as a defilement of the body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. Historically tattoos have maintained their close ties with the various forms of idolatry as people mark their bodies with images of their gods. It is true that “Christian tattoos” have become more popular in recent years and for people who already have tattoos before becoming a Christian it is often a personal declaration that now they serve a new master…Jesus Christ and not the dragon/ demon/ snake/ music/ sex/ alcohol that they used to. Interestingly, Keil & Delitzsch in their 19th century commentary on Leviticus 19 minimize the anti-idolatry connection and point out that it was a command designed to preserve a proper reverence for creation [as the work of God].

Here are a few other issues that I would suggest that you to consider as you try to sort out whether to get another tattoo in the future:

• Beauty…where does it come from and in whose eyes do we desire to be beautiful? While I would agree that some tattoos look cool, many don’t. The Bible talks to us about where our beauty is to come from in 1 Peter 3:3-5 “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” This passage is not a prohibition against external attractiveness, but a value statement on the source of adornment. Jewelry, hairstyles, etc. are not what make us beautiful to God. He values the inner beauty of a changed heart and a fully surrendered will that work their way to the outside of us and have a positive effect on those around us.
• Message…what message do tattoos send? This area is the most inconclusive in our discussion, as it seems that it would depend on the type and location of any tattoos we might have. Even though tattoos are popular right now, that doesn’t mean they communicate the right message…or why are some lower-back tattoos commonly called “tramp stamps”? Do tattoos honor God’s awesome creation, recognizing that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), or do they express disregard for His work or dissatisfaction with ourselves? Can a tattoo be an evangelistic conversation starter? Can they serve as reminders for us to stay true to Jesus like some kind of permanent WWJD bracelet? Yes, but is it the best approach for us? Will it still be the best approach in 40 years? Is it the one God wants to use?
• Ownership…if we are going to be a billboard or a human graffiti wall we would do well to ask who owns the billboard or wall before we start. Do we really belong to ourselves? The Bible says that if we are in Christ, we have been bought with a price, we are no longer our own. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) So why would we put a tattoo on a body that doesn’t really belong to us anymore? So for a Christian to get a tattoo is kind of like painting graffiti on your boss’ front door. Unless He has clearly commissioned you to do it ahead of time, it is not something I would recommend. The problem is we often don’t stop to ask anymore. What I like about your question is you seem to be asking!
• Self-will… while this is related to ownership I think deserves special mention. When we look at the people in the Bible who invited God’s wrath, by their actions and attitudes, it seems that most of the time it involves self-will. Even if they were not intentionally rebellious, they lived with no consciousness of God in their lives. They didn’t ask God for direction, or permission, they just did what they wanted with no thought to the consequences. I may be making a logical leap here, but this behavior is prevalent in our culture today. Even if we believe that God exists, we often live practically as though He didn’t exist. The cultural acceptance of tattooing seems right in line with that thinking. “It’s my body and I can do what I want!” But is it? Can we? Should we?

In Romans 14 Paul wrestles with these very questions (the controversy of that day was whether to eat and drink what had been offered to idols). He considers how the decision will affect others and concludes, “But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” (Romans 14:23).

I hope these principles will be helpful in more ways than deciding about a tattoo.

What About Glenn Beck? Is the church supporting his "Restoring Honor Movement?

Q: We have been following Glenn Beck's Faith, Hope & Charity, Restoring Honor Movement. He spoke of the "Black Robe Brigade" where leaders of faith from all religions are coming together to restore honor with the understanding that honor requires faith. Faith in something larger and more powerful than ourselves with an emphasis on salvation being "individual" and not "collective". We were curious if our church is supporting this movement?

A: This is a hard question to answer. On a personal level I must say that I enjoy watching Glenn Beck’s program. Far from being the “hate-monger” his critics make him out to be, he is a passionate believer in small government, conservative fiscal policies, and authorial intent when considering the constitution. I am encouraged by his “civics” approach to communicating his message. A history lesson is always a good thing…right? What I have heard him say about the "Faith, Hope & Charity" theme is solid and quite ingenious. Where I begin to have a problem is with the syncretistic (a blending of different elements from different religions) nature of his theology. It seems that he quotes the Bible frequently and with good effect, yet as a Mormon he has a whole different take on the message of the Bible and the nature of “faith”. As an “edu-tainer” in the area of history, civic responsibility, and political theory, and insightful political commentary I think he is a very positive influence. However, I do not see him as a spiritual leader, or Christian evangelist who brings true revival.

On the level of whether “our church is supporting this movement” I would have to say no, and yes. If by the “church” you are asking if we as pastors and leaders of this congregation (Beaverton Foursquare) are joining ourselves with Beck in his ecumenical, syncretistic, quasi-religious political revival, then the answer is no. It is not our calling from God. The gospel that we preach is simply “Christ and him crucified”, not some kind of political reformation. However, if by “church” you mean the people that gather here regularly to worship God and be instructed in the Bible, and then go into the marketplace, the schools, the community to be salt and light…then I am sure that some of them are supporting Beck’s movement. There may be many that listen to or watch his programs, there may be some that attend his rallies, but I hope that they are discerning enough to separate his conservative historical/political teachings from his progressive religious statements.

Here is a link to a recent article on this subject: http://www.worldmag.com/articles/17113

What about Mark 16:9-20 and John 8:1-8?

Q: There are a few places in Scripture where the footnotes indicate that not all the ancient manuscripts agree on the wording, or even that it's found in Scripture. Prominent in my head are the end of Mark, and the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8. Because these are not consistently found in those manuscripts, is there any reason to think they are less legitimate?

A: Another good question Ken. There are very few disputed sections of scripture. Here you mention certainly the two largest and most well known. In such cases it is good to investigate why translators have questions about the text. When compared to the entire body of scripture the number of scribal errors and textual variants is extremely small. It is also good to note that none of these passages affects any major doctrine of the Christian faith. With the two passages you mention, there is very little doubt that they were not originally park of the writing of Mark or John, however that does not necessarily call into question their validity. A good conservative Bible commentary or two [such as the Expositor’s Bible Commentary series (EBC), The New International Commentary of the New Testament (NIC-NT)] should provide helpful insight. Let’s look at them separately via some commentary quotes:

John 8:1-11.
“Although this narrative is included in the sequence of the outline, it can hardly have belonged to the original text of this Gospel. It is absent from most of the oldest copies of the Gospel that precede the sixth century and from the works of the earliest commentators. To say that it does not belong in the Gospel is not identical with rejecting it as unhistorical. Its coherence and spirit show that it was preserved from a very early time, and it accords well with the known character of Jesus. It may be accepted as historical truth; but based on the information we now have, it was probably not a part of the original text.” (Merrill C. Tenney, in EBC)

“But if we cannot feel that this story is part of John’s Gospel, we can feel that the story is true to the character of Jesus. Throughout the history of the church it has been held that, whoever wrote it, this little story is authentic. It rings true. It speaks to our condition. And it can scarcely have been composed in the early church with its sternness about sexual sin. It is thus worth our while to study it, though it may not be an authentic part of John’s writing. The story is undoubtedly very ancient.” (Leon Morris in NIC-NT)

Mark 16:9-20
   “As regards the Longer Ending itself, it may be roughly described as showing knowledge of the subject-matter of John 20, the story of Mary Magdalene, along with that of Luke 24, the Emmaus Road, and Matthew 28, the great commission.

   It is, in fact, a short harmony of resurrection appearances, a skeleton which can easily be filled in from the other Gospel narratives….

   Therefore it seems reasonable to see this as an early attempt, known at least as early as Irenaeus, to ‘round off’ a Gospel whose original ending has become in some way maimed or lost; that several such attempts were made is obvious from the different versions circulating…

   What, then, is the theological value of the Longer Ending? It may be compared with the story of the woman taken in adultery, in John viii, as an example of an early tradition which may very well be genuine and is undoubtedly primitive, but does not belong to the actual Gospel text as it stand. In the case of the Marcan ending we can go further; the contents are in any case evangelical, even if perhaps derived from other Evangels, and there is always the strong likelihood that this is an ‘official ending’, subjoined to a sort of ‘second addition’ of Mark. We know so very little about the actual circumstances of the primary composition and first written forms of the Gospel that it is unwise to be dogmatic. We shall therefore comment briefly upon it…However, it would be unwise to build any theological position upon these verses alone; and this no responsible Christian group has done. (R. Alan Cole, The Gospel According to Mark, Tyndale New Testament Commentaries, pp. 258-9.)

“The break in the continuity of the narrative seems to indicate that vv. 9-20 were not originally a part of Mark's Gospel but are rather a summary of post-resurrection appearances of Jesus composed independently…

The Gospel of Mark has four different endings, but only two of them have any significant claim to being authentic: (1) the ending that concludes the gospel with v. 8 and (2) the so-called Longer Ending (vv. 9-20)…

External and especially internal evidence make it difficult to escape the conclusion that vv. 9-20 were originally not a part of the Gospel of Mark. One further question arises: Did Mark actually intend to end his Gospel at 16:8? If he did not, then either (1) the Gospel was never completed, or (2) the last page was lost before it was multiplied by copyists.

Although there are staunch supporters of the view that it was Mark's intention to end his Gospel with 16:8, this view does not adequately explain (1) why the early church felt so strongly its lack of completion, witnessed by the insertion of both the Shorter and Longer endings; (2) why a book that purports to be the "good news about Jesus Christ" should end with the women being afraid (even allowing for Mark's emphasis on the awesomeness and mystery of Christ's person); and (3) why there is no recorded fulfillment of Jesus' promised post-resurrection appearance in Galilee to Peter and the other disciples (cf. 16:7).

Thus the best solution seems to be that Mark did write an ending to his Gospel but that it was lost in the early transmission of the text. The endings we now possess represent attempts by the church to supply what was obviously lacking.” (Walter W. Wessell in EBC)

So Ken, I hope that helps!