This is a great question Will! It is a struggle for most of us to figure out “what a real man is.” Whether we were raised by a single mom, or had an emotionally distant, or physically absent father or a dad that was abusive or inconsistent at best, it is a question more men today should ask. Even good fathers and husbands make misstates and fall short! We all have to learn to trust God and follow his lead on a daily basis if we hope to be a good example to others, to our spouse, and to our children. We can’t help the example or lack of it we had when growing up. What we can change is what we do going forward!
The most important thing in discovering how to be a “real man” is to have a personal, vital, growing relationship with our heavenly Father. We can allow him to be our mentor, our teacher, our coach in the process. I once had a youth leader that was supposed to be discipling me, but he kept missing our meeting times. Later I bemoaned the fact that I had never had anyone disciple me and someone said to me, “That’s not true. God discipled you.” Take advantage of God’s narrative history in the Bible (how he reveals who he is and what he is like through history). Intentionally look at Jesus’ life and relationships as a model for masculinity. Look at the apostles and other heroes of the faith. Get involved in one of our men’s ministries or serving God alongside other men and you will have a wealth of examples to learn from even as you are being an example yourself.
If I had to sound like a preacher in addressing this question I would suggest four things (all starting with “S”) that are keys to becoming the man that God intends for you to be. They are . . .
1. Seek: Real men admit need. They confess when they are wrong and seek to make things right. Real men are comfortable seeking the biblical Jesus (as opposed to some feminized cultural Jesus) as a mentor in being a man. They also are teachable and seek to learn and grow, celebrating lessons learned and answers discovered and then seeking to apply them more consistently in their lives.
2. Study: What the Bible says about being a man; the lives of men who left a lasting positive impact on the world; books and other teachings on being a man of God; with other men, especially intergenerationaly, to encourage each other in the journey “as iron sharpen iron.” We facilitate many men’s study groups, journaling groups, and support groups at many different times during the week.
3. Serve: Children only want to be served. Real men serve others. One of the best ways to learn about being a man is by joining other men to serve others. I can think of many projects hosted through our Missions department locally (Vernonia relief, Season of Serving), at a distance (Biloxi rebuilding), and overseas (Sierra Leone, China, Indonesia). There are great opportunities to serve here at the church with mature men (Ushers, Safety Team, CM, Youth, even the Library)
4. Share: Real men don’t isolate themselves from others. They are generous with what they have and what they learn. They seek to encourage others with the encouragement they have received. Our cultural heroes of masculinity may be loners (Superman, Spiderman, etc.) or nearly so (Lone Ranger, Batman, etc), but we are placed by God in a community and need to function effectively within it. That only happens when we share our life with those around us. Just as you would want someone to come alongside you and show you the way, be such a person for others behind you.
Other Resources
You also asked about resources for men. We have a ton of materials in our church library from books and audio books, to DVDs and magazines. Come by some time and we’ll get someone to show you where the men’s section is (248.842). Here are just a few items:
- Disciplines of a Godly Man, R. Kent Hughes
- Tale of Three Kings, Gene Edwards
- To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up without a Father, Donald Miller
- Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart, Stu Weber
- Man to Man, Charles Swindoll
- Every Man’s Battle, Steven Arterburn
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