Trouble with Church People

Q:  Most church people only socialize with church people.  It's a tight knit social circle no matter how large the body. This is an issue I have encountered in every church I've attended since my salvation when I was a teenager.  It is the main reason of why I don't attend - this separatist attitude I find unacceptable.  I am not interested in forming friendships in church.  My ability to trust people, especially church people, has almost totally disappeared.  Trusting God, I can do.  Trusting people - I'm not able to.

A:  I don’t know if you are a reader, but I am enjoying a book called Reversed Thunder by Eugene Peterson.  In it, he tackles the question of “why the church” in chapter 4.  It has been a very good read.

The story you tell of drifting away from fellowship happens here too.  I wish I could tell you it never does and never would.  There are so many dynamics involved in such things that I frankly don’t know how to stop it from happening in a large church.  My prayer would be that those closest to someone who has been hurt would be there to include and to reach out, but those dynamics cannot be assured.  The church is made up of sinners – “the fleas come with the dog” – and there really is no way to insure such things outside of hope in the Holy Spirit.

Some of the fellowship groups that meet here are very well equipped to do that, since people who have something in common walk together through whatever it might be.  Some examples include Griefshare (for people who have lost a loved one), LAD (Life after Divorce), THRIVE (ministry to single moms), and a host of others.  If we know someone is in the hospital, one of our pastor/chaplains always visits.  But again, if we don’t know, we can’t visit.  So while those things aren’t perfect, they are there to be as responsive as we can to the places people are in their lives – especially when hurt and healing are critical. 

People who are serving and contributing are usually around, so the relationships that happen here can continue constructively.  We certainly don’t have any litmus test for those to whom we are privileged to minister.   And we encourage our members to develop many relationships outside the church.  We aren’t going to lead too many people to the Lord on this campus – that happens in offices and coffee shops and in neighborhoods and on sports fields all over the city.  I would be personally grieved if there were a separatist attitude here.  If there is one, other than a few misguided folks, I am blissfully unaware (which may be, by the way). 

I know many people who share your sentiments regarding the church and who have been hurt by its hypocrisy.  I am not immune to the same concerns and feelings.  Still, this is where God does His work in many, many lives.  He is not restricted by our failings and in fact is glorified in them when we actually do a few things right!  It is easy to see the things wrong with the church – any church – but there are many things right.  The word is proclaimed, good works emanate, families are supported and Christ is worshipped.  And for the record, I don’t trust “church people” either – I trust Jesus Christ.  And I see him at work all of the time in this very community of believers.  The enemy wants us to see the worst in the church – and yet God invites us to become living stones in the building of God.  I trust God in what He has called me to and who he has led me to be in community with. 

Like you, my wife and I have many friends who have outdone our Christian friends in kindness and grace.  That grieves me.  But on the other hand, it makes me all the more want to introduce such people to Jesus Christ.  Eternity matters, and I want to share eternity with such people!  There may be some folks around here who are “elitist, self-righteous” people, but I can honestly say that most of the people I know here are just simple, forgiven people who love the Lord and are thankful to gather together.